So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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