dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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