My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize