at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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