So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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