in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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