I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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