We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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