Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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