she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
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She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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