I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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