Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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