sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize