me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
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Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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