why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
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You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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