Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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