News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
that is very illegal...i love you.
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