Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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