we have officially lost it.
You work out of a Hotel?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
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Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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