get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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