His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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