Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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