do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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