is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
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Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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