It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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