i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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