her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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