I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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