I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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