final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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