You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
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A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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