addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize