And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
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You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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