You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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