The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
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Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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