i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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