the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize