I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize