If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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