I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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