8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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