So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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DIN'T JUSGE NE.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
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When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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