Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
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How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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