His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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