apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize