So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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