Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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