this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize