I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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