I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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